Where in the world does the time go?

Oh my goodness. It's been a year since I posted. Not a very good track record for the "new" blog. Oh dear me, where do I even begin? Well, the three "big" events of last year would have been: (1) miscarriage, (2) death of grandfather, (3) big move. Looks like the last post I did was mid February of last year. Shortly after that post, Justin and I conceived our fourth child. I guess I became busy just handling the extra fatigue and all that goes along with a first trimester. My emotions were all over the place, I remember. I don't remember being like that with the first three pregnancies. With this one, I was very angry with people, particularly perfect strangers. I got into two arguments that spring: one with the apartment manager, and one with a lady in line at the McDonald's. Both of which seemed to stem from what I had begun to develop and lovingly refer to as the "city blues." I felt cooped up in our small apartment and nature was so difficult to get to. My nearby choices were: (1) the apartment grounds, which were just lovely...it's a shame it was against the rules to walk on/touch the landscaping...which we did, and we got called out 2-3 times, the last of which I shot her a terrible look and asked her what she was going to do about it... oy...very out of character; and (2) the nearby McDonald's outdoor playground, which was stressful enough just the worry about the germs. The hungry McDonald's addicts circled around the fenced outdoor playground at peak lunch hours and it was never a problem. The only problem was the darn flock of pigeons that would literally fly by and pluck nuggets off your plate and fly away with them...which isn't really a problem if you have endless funds to buy more nuggets (which I didn't) or if you aren't concerned about bird germs (which I was). Now, I'm a big believer in being present with one's children and not having one's nose in the cell phone. This particular day, there was some concerning junk going on: my grandfather was sick and in the hospital, recovering from abdominal surgery, and I had just been to the OBGYN and gotten some unnerving news that my baby was measuring too small and the heartrate was too slow. I needed to take the kids somewhere where they would be completely fenced in and completely distracted and not needing my attention so that I could communicate with my family, who was 12 hours away, about these things. So, off to McD's we went. After the kids had had their food (which, of course, attracted the pigeons), they began entertaining themselves by chasing the pigeons around, hiding until the pigeons landed, then running toward them, causing them to fly away, etc. I was completely fine with this. In fact, I thought, "Thank goodness! Some pigeon entertainment! Maybe we can kill an hour here!" Anybody ever been a desperate mom, just trying to get through the day? If not, SHOVE IT!!! So anyway, a woman in the drivethru line decides to take it upon herself to roll down her window and fuss at my kids. "Quit bothering those birds!" said she. My ears perked up and I lifted my eyes over my phone and burned a hole in the side of her head. She proceeded to roll down her window and criticize me for being "too involved in my phone to pay attention to my kids who are 'harassing the wildlife.'" I got up and walked to the edge of the playground and asked her if there was anything else she'd like to help me with today. The next thing you know, we were in quite the altercation. Sparing you the details, I believe I achieved my goal of both standing up for myself but also staying on the high road. She, however, resorted to name-calling and did, indeed, call me a "crack-head" as she sped around the corner to the drive thru window. The whole thing was just bizarre, I tell you. Anyway, all that to say, it was a strange-feeling pregnancy, and two weeks later, I went back to the doctor to find out it was over. I would have been 10 weeks at that point. I opted to go the natural route, and it took 3 more weeks for the placenta, etc, to be delivered. It was another strange 3 weeks. I was afraid to leave the house and, in fact, didn't. I had no idea what was going to happen. I'm glad I didn't, because if it had happened when I was driving or out somewhere in Houston with the kids, I would have been in trouble. On May 1, somewhere in the 13th week, I had a particularly energetic morning. I had been bleeding for about a week, beginning with just some spotting for a few days but it had just become like a regular period by that day. I thought that was going to be about it. That morning, I was feeling good, and I hand-scrubbed all the floors in the house with vinegar water. About 5pm, I started experiencing some cramping. I called Justin and told him to come home as soon as possible. By 5:15, I could no longer walk, the cramping was so bad. I sat on the couch and tried to verbally instruct Bradley to help himself and the other kids with anything anyone needed or asked for. It got worse and worse, and I started passing some rather large tissue clots. Justin got home at 6 and I retired to the bathroom to struggle in privacy while Justin fed and entertained the kids in the main room of the apartment. The cramps felt like about the end of pre-labor and the beginning of active labor; probably about 4cm. I even got in a hot bath to relieve the pain. It helped, then I got out and they came right back. By now it's about 7:15 and I had been loosing quite a bit of blood, soaking a large pad about every 10 minutes. I called for Justin because I was stuck on the bathroom floor and couldn't get up. The cramps felt like about 5-6cm contractions at that point. He helped me get a t-shirt and some depends on (I love depends underwear; don't knock it till you've tried it!) and he literally carried me to the bed because I was in too much pain to walk. At this point, I was shaking uncontrollably. Justin thought I was cold and covered me up with a bunch of blankets, but I wasn't really cold. I thought it had to do with loosing a lot of blood or the pain, but really it was shaking like when you are in transition in labor; that's what it felt like, anyway, just not as painful as real labor. I finally conceded to taking something for the pain. I had had a terrible back injury earlier that spring and had some hydrocodone left over from that. I took half of one and waited. About 30 minutes later (8:00pm), I felt a lot better and was able to text. I was texting mom about what was going on when I felt the urge to push???? I really didn't have a choice. I pushed twice and delivered something quite large. It was a ball of tissue the size of my fist. Upon later inspection, it was a perfect little miniature placenta, complete with an intact sac of water and a little blood clot which, we assume, was once the baby. After that, the bleeding stopped, the cramping stopped; it was over. I'm so glad I let it happen that way. Going natural like that provided so much closure, and it really helped me with the grieving process. Interesting story: Earlier in the pregnancy, before I knew there was anything wrong, I had already chosen a girl name. I had heard another mom at church call out to her daughter, "Katie Jane!" It was love at first...sound. I had always liked the names Jane and Katie, just had never thought of putting them together. I thought, "I'd have to make the name officially Katherine Jane and just use Katie for short." After the miscarriage, we sent the placenta in for genetic testing. Results indicated the baby was, in fact, a female. Then my memory was taken back to when I was pregnant with Bradley. Grandmother was still alive, but would not be for long. I went to tell her I was expecting, and she got a far-off look in her eyes, then she said, "I'll be the first to see little Katherine." I didn't think much of it at the time. I thought that was just her way of saying her guess is that the baby was a girl and that I'd name it Katherine. I got in bed with her and cuddled with her for awhile, then went back to Little Rock. That was my last conversation with her; she died less than 2 months later. I was surprised 7 months later when Bradley came out a boy, and thought, "Huh. I guess Grandmother was wrong," and forgot about the whole thing, until the miscarriage. I have great peace about the whole thing, and it's comforting to imagine Grandmother taking care of "little Katherine" in Heaven for me. Granddaddy Harold joined little Katherine, Grandmother-Bigmother and the others before us the following month, in June. He had gotten better after his surgery, but he had a massive stroke just a couple weeks later. We all got to see him before he stopped breathing, and a lot of the family was there when he died. His death was sudden but peaceful, and I'm happy it ended that way for him. He was particularly afraid of dying, I think. I don't blame him. Life is so extremely short. Justin finished his residency and we did our second big move as a family. We live next door to mom and dad now, in the country, and we are very happy here. The kids are still adjusting to all the disruption, but we are starting to finally feel settled, and we love our new home (which we are renting, but hoping to buy, if possible). Justin started his practice and is very happy; he feels very well prepared by his training and does not stress much about work. We are getting more vacation time now and starting to explore the world of "family minivacations" which is quite a treat. The move in and of itself, was/is a doozy, and it's not over. I'll just leave it at that. Lots of STUFF to go through and find a place for or get rid of. Let's see, what else. OH! Homeschooling. We are still homeschooling and we just passed the one-year mark. LOVING IT. Still working kinks out and learning, but I have a feeling that that is all part of the new normal. I will of course be posting a lot about that, so I'll just leave it alone right now. API. I started the first API group in Arkansas which was a huge goal of mine. It is going well. I'm enjoying volunteering for API in general and there are all kinds of opportunities for me there, if and when I can find the time. Why API? Because I think it's world-changing stuff. Doula stuff. I have my first birth coming up! I am so excited. She was due 2 days ago, so it won't be long! New things: (1) I drink green smoothies now. Many updates to come on that. (2) Gonna start a garden (first time other than just flowers and an herb garden...I'm pumped!) Updates on that to come as well. In the meantime, my "blogs" might just be in the form of status updates, since they're quick and easy, but they say a lot. I got off facebook and twitter and am missing updating my status, so I'll just do it here. Win-win. I get to update my status, but no one has to read it unless they come here on purpose. That's all for now. Maybe someday I'll figure out how to add pictures to my blog. Sigh.

Various and sundry

Bradley lost his first tooth today. I'm so sad because he swallowed it with his chicken nuggets! I found him crawling on the floor in a strange way, as if inspecting the carpet, from the direction of the bathroom. I asked him what he was looking for, and he looked at me, gave a dramatic pause, then showed me his missing tooth! He had been scared to death of loosing it (which is why I'm so sad that he swallowed it and didn't get to see it or keep it), but he actually looked really proud. Oh, my goodness, he's getting so incredibly big. I had just noticed that yesterday and said it out loud. Almost 6 years old. Just two and a half more periods of time equal to what I've already had with him, and he'll be grown up and gone. It's staggering.



Today, at swimming lessons (at 11am), we met another homeschool family. They were delightful, as most homeschool families I run into are. It was really encouraging to see another mother like me, with three kids like mine (only, in her case, they were all girls) who homeschool and are happy-looking. The mother seemed so relaxed and happy. It really does help me, every time I see another family like this; it's good for me to see a variety of people who homeschool. We talked for a short period of time and she mentioned that one of the reasons she homeschools is the freedom, which resonates with me. I'm looking forward to gaining insight from her. Of course the kids got along great, neither of ours refusing to play with the others because they were the opposite sex.



I love interesting people.
Interesting people group #1: my arabic friends. Here's just three reasons I love having friendship with them:
(1) The mom of the family, who is my age or a little younger, calls me "Charlie." No matter how many times she tries to practice saying, "Ashley," she always goes back to "Charlie." I kind of love it.
(2) They make me talk like a caveperson. "You good?" "Yes, me good." "You eat?" "Me no eat." "Me bring food here? Yes. Ok. Good." (all with big hand motions)
(3) To explain why we couldn't come over for dinner because the kids were sick, I had to act out "diarrhea".... not something you normally do every day. Very character building.


Interesting people group #2: homeless dudes and dudettes. If you give them food, you get one of two reactions: (1) extreme gratefulness, which makes the effort worth it; (2) pickiness or other behavior indicative that they really aren't all that hungry after all, which makes the effort worth it as well (because you don't have to feel as sorry for them anymore)... win-win! For example, I gave a man on the street whose sign said, "Need help with food," a granola bar. He had the cutest personality and said, "I thank you and my cat thanks you. She looks at me like this [demonstrates a sad, begging look] and I tell her, 'tomorrow, tomorrow,'" Then he checks out the granola bar and puts it in his pocket.....to feed to his cat, I guess! ???????? I then say, "Aw, poor little cat," and he says, "Poor! She ain't poor, she's spoiled!" Hilarious!



So, this week marks the first week (beginning of the third) that Bradley has automatically done all of his school work without being told and only asking for help when needed. It has been so encouraging. Mikey is doing the beginning of his work with enthusiasm, but he burns out quickly, so I'm cutting out some of the least important stuff (calendar time and journal), which can be done and caught up on in a whim. Now, all he does is color the letter of the day and practice writing it. He has, for some unknown reason, lost interest in drawing which is disheartening. I'm trying to encourage it, but he seems dead set on not drawing. I'm thinking of adding some sort of manipulative math activity (like Cuisinaire Rods) for him to do instead of drawing until he comes back around.



Speaking of Mikey, he is turning into a little four year old. He is as precious and delightful as can be, and there's really not much else to say about him or I would go on and on all day. Natalee is turning into a toddler before my eyes. As it turns out, she is early with the verbal skills (which is new for me, as the boys didn't talk early) and quite brainy in the same way as Bradley was (already knowing her letters, colors, and numbers up to 10, out of order and solidly). Her personality is coming out as sweet and sassy. It's really cute, and she and I are developing a "mother-daughter relationship" which is so cool. Bradley and Natalee enjoy data, much like their daddy and his side of the family. Mikey's EIQ (emotional intelligence) is through the roof, like my side. He's just now getting into letters and numbers and such at age four, which seems so late to me, but I think it's probably relatively average. Like I was saying, though, Mikey's empathy level is crazy. More times than one, he has foregone food so that someone else (like me) may have their fill, even though I know he is hungry and wants more. When I tell him that I (or whoever else) can have something else and it's okay for him to go ahead and eat it, he then pretends to all of a sudden have a "tummy that feels full" in order for the person to have their share of it. What four year old does that? I'm just so proud of my healthy, beautiful, neat kids. Pardon me if I have to brag on how awesome they are at times. I know I'm completely biased. Anyway, moving on...

It's me again Margaret

It looks as if I might be back to blogging. We'll see. It seems that with each subsequent child, my blogging breaks are getting longer and longer! Anyway, I wanted to start afresh again, but using the original blog name so I don't get too far removed from my original mommy self.

What's going to be on this blog? Hm. Good question. I have no idea. But I've learned that leaving things open and being flexible saves room for cool things to happen. Not promising that the blog will be cool, but I'm allowing it to be whatever it wants to be.

Well, gone are the days of new parenthood, searching for answers for the best ways to feed a baby or get it to sleep, and a new dawn is upon me as a first-year homeschooling mom. I'm thinking this is where I'm going to process that a bit. I can't blog unless I'm inspired (and getting at least a little sleep), and these days are really sparking my imagination and enthusiasm for life.

One obstacle is that I have no idea how to use our new mac computer. That should be interesting. There might not be many pictures. But, who knows, maybe I'll figure it out.

Subjects I'd like to write on soon (listed here so I don't forget) are:
-Why I'm homeschooling this year
-Whether I'd like to continue homeschooling after this year, including reasons why I would and wouldn't continue
-My journey to "formal" homeschool from the beginning up till now and things I've learned along the way (including inspirational books)
-My hopes for this year's "crop" of homeschool fruit
-My current method/curriculum/educational "theory"

and, for good measure:
-A bit about my newest addition, Natalee, aka "Baby Girl"
-An update on Mikey-boo, the just-turned-four year old
-How I'm handling my home these days (cooking and cleaning)
-A bit about what I'm up to outside my home (API and Doula certification endeavors)

Welcome back to Franz Mania! It really is crazy over here. (and I love it that way)